Get Out of Here

Authors Note: This was a piece that we had to write showcasing a characters feelings after a Zombie Apocalypse. 

All I see now are the bare walls of the structure that I once called home. The building is still there, it didn’t get ruined by a tornado, or a fire, but the ones I loved, the memories that filled the air are now gone. I can’t bear to see this place anymore. I can’t bear to see the empty beds, unmade and tangled, never touched since the kids went off to school that day. I can’t bear to see the place where me and my husband met, on that cold night in December. I can’t bear to see anything. Every place in this town is linked to some meaning- some memory in my mind. I just can’t bear it anymore I have to get out of here.

I have to get out of here, I don’t have a destination, I don’t have any place in mind. I will just drive, and see where the road takes me.  I have only the clothes on my back and the car in my garage. I want nothing else from this town. They say that the empty feeling in my stomach, and the empty feeling in my mind can be filled by new memories, new feelings. Well I’m not so sure I want them anymore. I want to remember my kids, and my husband. I want to remember my friends, and the farmers market every Saturday. It’s time for me to go now. I’ll send you a postcard when I get there.

The Fear Of Hurting

Imagine being a ticking time bomb that is about to blow. Imagine knowing you are going to die. Imagine not knowing when. This is how Hazel feels in The Fault In Our Stars. Hazel has cancer, and has to be hooked up to an oxygen tank 24/7. She is scared, not of death, but of hurting others when she does die. Hazel loves Augustus, but she is trying to stay away because she is scared. Why do we let fear run out lives?

What Hazel doesn’t realize, is that while she was trying to help Augustus, she was actually hurting him. It is not until she is done talking to her friend Kaitlyn the boy expert, that she realizes she has  a fear of hurting Augustus. He himself doesn’t realize that Hazel has this fear until she sends him a text. “I can’t kiss you or anything.” She says. “When I try and look at you like that, all I see is what I am going to put you through.” This line hits him like a smack in the face. But he refuses to give up.

Hazel can’t grasp the fact that other people care about her. She puts her fears before others because she doesn’t want to get attached. As far as she was concerned, the people closest to her had no fears, and had no reason to because she was the one who was going to die. This in fact was not the case. Everyone has fears.

Augustus only has one fear, dying without making his mark on the world. He wants to be known and recognized for his life. He wants to be a person who has purpose. He wants to die a hero. It is very strong belief of his that everyone was put on the Earth for a reason, and he is doing his best to find that reason. This is part of why he takes Hazel to Amsterdam. He is trying to do a good thing.

Unlike Augustus, Hazel’s mom doesn’t care about leaving her mark on the world. All she cares about is being there for her daughter. Her fear is losing Hazel. Right now, Hazel is her life. She spends all her time with her, knowing that she might not get another day. At one point, she says to her husband, “I’m not going to be a mom anymore.” when she thinks Hazel isn’t listening. She didn’t really mean this of course, she was just caught up in the moment, her fear taking over her sensibility.

People are afraid to face their fears, or in other words, they fear facing their fears. Hazel knows she loves Augustus, but she so badly doesn’t want to hurt him. Augustus’s hidden cancer is eating away at him, and he is trying to get that one last chance to be a hero. Hazel’s mom knows that she is getting older and wants to have space. But she is trying to keep her close in case something terrible happens. It is natural to turn away from what we are afraid of, it’s just human nature.

In life, lots of things happen to ruin your plans. People control you, things come up. In Hazel’s life cancer came up. Her bomb started ticking. It put a road block in her way of doing what she wanted when she wanted. Sure she was perfectly capable of doing most normal things, but it was the fear that stopped her. It was the fear that ate away at her. It was the fear of hurting that held her back from a normal life.

Stuck With Mclean

In my life, I haven’t ever moved. I’ve lived in the same house, gone to the same school, and hung out with the same people. If you’re like me you don’t know what it’s like to get up and leave everything to start over in a new place. If you’re not like me, maybe you’ve moved once or twice, each time making new friends and building stronger bonds, while keeping in touch with your past. Moving was just a couple hundred extra Instagram followers or Facebook friends. However, no one I know has the same life as Mclean Sweet from the book What Happened To Goodbye. Or should I say Lizbet Sweet? Or Beth Sweet? Or Eliza Sweet? Every time Mclean moves she takes on a new identity. She leaves her past behind her and starts fresh with a new house, name, personality, everything. This girl with four alter egos doesn’t handle it so well when her past starts to intertwine into her new life.

Everything about Mclean’s move to Lakeview has been going wrong. Her new name didn’t work out and now she is stuck with her own stupid name. This school has a “Welcome” club that forces her to make friends right from the start. And she met Dave. Mclean thinks she is starting to like this boy, but getting into a relationship goes against everything she believes in. All Mclean wanted was to be anyone but herself. But herself is the one thing she has to be.

Ever since her mom left Mclean and her dad for the Defriese basketball coach, Mclean has wanted nothing to do with her or anything that involved her former life. During one unwanted phone call, she finally cracks and says “It’s your fault it’s like this. You’re the one who left.” It is after this phone call while she is outside playing basketball with Dave when she begins to realize the truth: you can’t hide from your past forever. Now she is forced to rethink her whole lifestyle. Is it really better to run away from your problems?

That one simple question opens up a world of light for Mclean. She starts to open up to new possibilities she never even thought possible before. Simple pleasures like dating and making new friends are now acceptable to her. Now beginning to realize the simple pleasures of life, she can dig roots into the town, and finally call someplace her home. Dave, along with her other friends, are becoming “2am’s”, someone you can call at 2 in the morning and they will be there for you. This being an entirely new concept to Mclean, leads her to think no. No it’s not better to run away from your problems -- because if you keep running, eventually there will be no one left.

Mclean had a hard life. Instead of facing it, she ran away and later realized that might not have been the best choice. She now knows that instead of making a whole new Facebook or Instagram account, that you just keep adding to the same one, and keep in touch throughout our life. All her old identities are now in the past and she will continue to be Mclean forever -- because that’s who she is.