The Fear Of Hurting

Imagine being a ticking time bomb that is about to blow. Imagine knowing you are going to die. Imagine not knowing when. This is how Hazel feels in The Fault In Our Stars. Hazel has cancer, and has to be hooked up to an oxygen tank 24/7. She is scared, not of death, but of hurting others when she does die. Hazel loves Augustus, but she is trying to stay away because she is scared. Why do we let fear run out lives?

What Hazel doesn’t realize, is that while she was trying to help Augustus, she was actually hurting him. It is not until she is done talking to her friend Kaitlyn the boy expert, that she realizes she has  a fear of hurting Augustus. He himself doesn’t realize that Hazel has this fear until she sends him a text. “I can’t kiss you or anything.” She says. “When I try and look at you like that, all I see is what I am going to put you through.” This line hits him like a smack in the face. But he refuses to give up.

Hazel can’t grasp the fact that other people care about her. She puts her fears before others because she doesn’t want to get attached. As far as she was concerned, the people closest to her had no fears, and had no reason to because she was the one who was going to die. This in fact was not the case. Everyone has fears.

Augustus only has one fear, dying without making his mark on the world. He wants to be known and recognized for his life. He wants to be a person who has purpose. He wants to die a hero. It is very strong belief of his that everyone was put on the Earth for a reason, and he is doing his best to find that reason. This is part of why he takes Hazel to Amsterdam. He is trying to do a good thing.

Unlike Augustus, Hazel’s mom doesn’t care about leaving her mark on the world. All she cares about is being there for her daughter. Her fear is losing Hazel. Right now, Hazel is her life. She spends all her time with her, knowing that she might not get another day. At one point, she says to her husband, “I’m not going to be a mom anymore.” when she thinks Hazel isn’t listening. She didn’t really mean this of course, she was just caught up in the moment, her fear taking over her sensibility.

People are afraid to face their fears, or in other words, they fear facing their fears. Hazel knows she loves Augustus, but she so badly doesn’t want to hurt him. Augustus’s hidden cancer is eating away at him, and he is trying to get that one last chance to be a hero. Hazel’s mom knows that she is getting older and wants to have space. But she is trying to keep her close in case something terrible happens. It is natural to turn away from what we are afraid of, it’s just human nature.

In life, lots of things happen to ruin your plans. People control you, things come up. In Hazel’s life cancer came up. Her bomb started ticking. It put a road block in her way of doing what she wanted when she wanted. Sure she was perfectly capable of doing most normal things, but it was the fear that stopped her. It was the fear that ate away at her. It was the fear of hurting that held her back from a normal life.